I can hardly believe it's been three weeks since my last post. There really hasn't been much going on when it comes to progress for the surgery. For the next few months, I have to go through the motions to please the insurance company. Not so exciting. Now, when it comes to my warped brain chemistry, May felt like a month of transition for me. I needed these past few weeks to kind of stop, take a step back, and analyze what exactly I want out of myself creatively. I believe that I have myself on the right track again. I remain hopeful that I will stick to my decision and not become bored and change my mind yet again. Have I mentioned insane brain chemistry?
Writing is something I dreamed of for years. The problem is I always hold myself back. I don't have a real high self-image, and that translates into thinking everything I create is garbage. Last month I held these thoughts back just enough to start writing this blog. The feedback blew me away. Now, I had high hopes and visions of this blog being filled with witty stories about the daily struggles of being so big. I was confident that I had many months worth of content to keep me busy. I was wrong. Here's what really happened: In just eight posts, I feel like I expressed everything I wanted to get off my chest. I've been tired of not publicly admitting my virginity. I'm sure more people already kind of knew. Either way, it was time to finally get it out there. I wanted to express the typical public outing. I feel I did a decent job nailing it with the Wal-Mart story. I also had the idea of writing stories about various events in my past that I would have enjoyed if it weren't for being big. But the more I brainstorm, the more I realize the exact same factors are the culprit of my ruined fun. It always comes back to not being able to walk far and losing my breath. How incredibly boring for people to read different scenarios that all end fairly the same way. After all, I'm not a television sitcom writer. I expect more from myself.
I want to write short stories. It's my dream. I feel that it's time to actually put forth the effort into making this dream a reality. I wiped the slate clean and started with two basic fundamentals to writing well. I've been reading and writing much more. I also took a break from my favorite radio shows and Twitter. Those two things have the power to suck me in with nothing ever being done. So far, I haven't even worked on anything solid. I'm journaling with the goal of writing comfortably to the point my subconscious takes over. This is where all good stories come from. Writing is still something I'm a bit awkward at doing. I stop too often to think if this sentence is working with the last, or which word would best fit here, etc. Hopefully I can get to the point where I can let loose and worry about revision afterwords. I had that luxury many years ago when I used to write in my notebook. I haven't quite mastered writing with the laptop.
So, to the few people in my life that kept up with this blog, I thank you. All of your feedback convinced me that this is a hobby worth putting in serious time and effort. I'm not quite sure I'm going to continue with the chronicles. Exactly 100% of my readers come from Facebook. I believe I can use that medium to keep people up to date on my transition from Jabba the Hut to Johnny Depp. Once I get a couple short stories hammered out, maybe I'll start a new blog for them. The first one will be dedicated to Ms. Galloway. She gave me my first new idea in years. And no Melanie, it's NOT dirty-minded for once!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Unexpected Inspiration
Today, I sobbed uncontrollably for the first time in three years. While discussing dinner plans with Dad, I noticed Oprah on TV talking about weight-loss success stories. A woman named Stacey Halprin was back for an update of her 25-year struggle with obesity. The footage from her first interview resembled my current situation. She is the first person I truly identify with. Friends, I found a role model for my experience. Here is today's article from Oprah.com:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the very first season of The Oprah Show, 25-year-old Stacey Halprin wrote Oprah a heartbreaking letter about her struggle with weight. At 550 pounds, Stacey's life was both difficult and dangerous—she couldn't even sleep without being propped up on six pillows because she would choke if she lay flat.
For several years, Stacey bravely allowed Oprah Show cameras to follow her struggle and gave the world an eye-opening glimpse into the life of a morbidly obese person. Viewers saw her order enough fast food to feed several people, hide out in her dark bedroom to avoid going out in public and experience cruel comments and jokes from strangers on the street, all while battling extreme sadness, depression and despair.
"You were brave enough, courageous enough and open enough to let us film you at a time when nobody actually brought this out in the open," Oprah says. "Thank you for that."
After years of hardship and pain, Stacey made the difficult decision to get gastric bypass surgery, once again allowing cameras to follow her journey of reconstruction and recovery.
Today, Stacey returns in her final Oprah Show appearance to update the audience on the recent struggles and triumphs that were sparked by sending in her candid letter nearly 25 years ago.
When Stacey looks back at her public weight loss battle, she has a difficult time watching and reliving the painful struggles. "It's just very painful because I lived that life, and it's so wonderful to know that it isn't my life anymore," she says. "Even though I did put weight back on."
Stacey says that, even while sitting in the greenroom just before walking out onstage, she didn't feel worthy of returning for another show. "I didn't feel like I deserved to come," she says. "[But] I don't want to hide anymore."
To date, Stacey says she has lost 360 pounds. At first, she says she was eager to appear on The Oprah Show once her weight loss struggles came to an end, but now she realizes that her journey will always continue. "I wanted to come here and be at the finish line," she explains. "I know there are no finish lines. It's an ongoing process."
Hundreds of pounds lighter and much healthier, Stacey says she is just thrilled being able to live a normal life and do simple things such as flying on a plane without worrying about fitting in the seat or using a special seatbelt extension.
That's not the only thing Stacey has to be excited about: She's also in love!
"I started dating for the first time in 2004, and I was horrible at it," Stacey says. "A year ago, I said, 'I'm done. ... This just isn't my calling to be in love.' And two weeks later, I met the man of my dreams whom I'm going to spend my life with."
As for losing more weight, Stacey says she is happy having lost 360 pounds and isn't necessarily desperate to be a much smaller size. " People were pushing me [to lose more weight]. 'Keep going.' But I felt you know when you're where you're going to be," she says. "Don't listen to people. It doesn't mean everyone has to weigh 130."
"Look at what your body is supposed to be. It's about what your body is supposed to be," Oprah says. "Thank you for sharing your life with us all these years."
"Thank you for giving me my life," Stacey says.
The Oprah Winfrey Show. (May 10, 2011). Weight Loss Finale: Stacey Halprin Update.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Weight-Loss-Finale-Stacey-Halprin-Update/1
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I understand her situation except for pillows to sleep and being a woman. What stood out for me was when she said, "I started dating for the first time in 2004, and I was horrible at it." I felt bad for her while also feeling relieved. After five long years, I found a great girl. I thought dating was easy enough to swing right back into things. I was sadly mistaken. I've been awkward at times. I forgot how my role in a relationship works. I lost my mojo, much like Austin Powers, and regressed to a fifteen-year-old boy learning how to love. She is a saint for being tolerant with me. I look forward to rewarding her for patience.
I'm thrilled to have a living model of inspiration. Striving for a normal life is great motivation, but it's comforting to see another person overcome their own struggle. It felt good to cry today. I've been holding back for years. With the surgery, writing, and relationship, my life has been turned inside-out. I suppose, in these moments, emotions can get the best of us.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the very first season of The Oprah Show, 25-year-old Stacey Halprin wrote Oprah a heartbreaking letter about her struggle with weight. At 550 pounds, Stacey's life was both difficult and dangerous—she couldn't even sleep without being propped up on six pillows because she would choke if she lay flat.
For several years, Stacey bravely allowed Oprah Show cameras to follow her struggle and gave the world an eye-opening glimpse into the life of a morbidly obese person. Viewers saw her order enough fast food to feed several people, hide out in her dark bedroom to avoid going out in public and experience cruel comments and jokes from strangers on the street, all while battling extreme sadness, depression and despair.
"You were brave enough, courageous enough and open enough to let us film you at a time when nobody actually brought this out in the open," Oprah says. "Thank you for that."
After years of hardship and pain, Stacey made the difficult decision to get gastric bypass surgery, once again allowing cameras to follow her journey of reconstruction and recovery.
Today, Stacey returns in her final Oprah Show appearance to update the audience on the recent struggles and triumphs that were sparked by sending in her candid letter nearly 25 years ago.
When Stacey looks back at her public weight loss battle, she has a difficult time watching and reliving the painful struggles. "It's just very painful because I lived that life, and it's so wonderful to know that it isn't my life anymore," she says. "Even though I did put weight back on."
Stacey says that, even while sitting in the greenroom just before walking out onstage, she didn't feel worthy of returning for another show. "I didn't feel like I deserved to come," she says. "[But] I don't want to hide anymore."
To date, Stacey says she has lost 360 pounds. At first, she says she was eager to appear on The Oprah Show once her weight loss struggles came to an end, but now she realizes that her journey will always continue. "I wanted to come here and be at the finish line," she explains. "I know there are no finish lines. It's an ongoing process."
Hundreds of pounds lighter and much healthier, Stacey says she is just thrilled being able to live a normal life and do simple things such as flying on a plane without worrying about fitting in the seat or using a special seatbelt extension.
That's not the only thing Stacey has to be excited about: She's also in love!
"I started dating for the first time in 2004, and I was horrible at it," Stacey says. "A year ago, I said, 'I'm done. ... This just isn't my calling to be in love.' And two weeks later, I met the man of my dreams whom I'm going to spend my life with."
As for losing more weight, Stacey says she is happy having lost 360 pounds and isn't necessarily desperate to be a much smaller size. " People were pushing me [to lose more weight]. 'Keep going.' But I felt you know when you're where you're going to be," she says. "Don't listen to people. It doesn't mean everyone has to weigh 130."
"Look at what your body is supposed to be. It's about what your body is supposed to be," Oprah says. "Thank you for sharing your life with us all these years."
"Thank you for giving me my life," Stacey says.
The Oprah Winfrey Show. (May 10, 2011). Weight Loss Finale: Stacey Halprin Update.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Weight-Loss-Finale-Stacey-Halprin-Update/1
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I understand her situation except for pillows to sleep and being a woman. What stood out for me was when she said, "I started dating for the first time in 2004, and I was horrible at it." I felt bad for her while also feeling relieved. After five long years, I found a great girl. I thought dating was easy enough to swing right back into things. I was sadly mistaken. I've been awkward at times. I forgot how my role in a relationship works. I lost my mojo, much like Austin Powers, and regressed to a fifteen-year-old boy learning how to love. She is a saint for being tolerant with me. I look forward to rewarding her for patience.
I'm thrilled to have a living model of inspiration. Striving for a normal life is great motivation, but it's comforting to see another person overcome their own struggle. It felt good to cry today. I've been holding back for years. With the surgery, writing, and relationship, my life has been turned inside-out. I suppose, in these moments, emotions can get the best of us.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thoughts on Mother's Day
(Hi friends! I want this entry to come straight from my heart to you. I'm not worried about structure or grammar today. Just sharing some thoughts about my mother who passed in July of 2008.)
For the past three days, I've been working on something to write for Mother's Day. It wasn't really that creative of an idea. A letter to my mother that I intended to be both loving and sort of a way to say that I have finally gotten over my anger issues with her. It turned out to be much more deep and personal than I was looking for on this blog. The relationship with my mother is something I still need to work on dealing with. It's a story that I definitely want to tell one day. In a nutshell, mom was a watered-down version of Danny Devito's mother in Throw Mama From the Train. That may sound like a stretch, but my family and closest friends can tell you there's some truth to that statement. But like everything else on Earth, there is both good and bad. I want to share with you some of the things about the woman that made her a fantastic mother.
"Jason. Some kids are gonna say awful things to you. You need to learn to ignore what they say and laugh with them. Let them know it doesn't bother you. Then it won't be fun for them to pick on you anymore. They'll all eventually see what a great kid you are, and wind up being your friend. And if not, then fuck 'em. They aren't worth your time." I remember getting this little pep talk twice. Once before 7th grade at Roosevelt Junior High in the Altoona Area School District. The other time was in 8th grade when we moved to Duncansville. I was scared to death about being thrown into a whole new group of kids in back to back years. Mom was right though. Kids said some awful shit. I took it all in stride. Before you know it, I was making myself the center of attention by doing the truffle shuffle or imitating Weird Al from the Fat video by doing the hilarious crotch grab. I learned something early in my life. People like you when you have the balls to be the first one to crack awful jokes about yourself before the other assholes get a chance. I'm 34, and that still applies to me today. If I'm in a situation where I'm around new people, I can always tell that my size is almost always the "elephant in the room." (literally!! hahaha. booo.) Once I crack a couple self-depricating jokes to break the ice, people realize that hey, this guy isn't so bad. Then people eventually get to know me, and I walk away with a new friend or two by the end of the night. But if they still don't like me, well, just like mom says, fuck 'em. They aren't worth my time.
Mom had an awesome sense of humor. I never really took notice until one night she dragged me to some kind of party with her work friends. Dude, she had people laughing so hard that they were crying! Of course they were all work related things, and I had no clue why any of it was funny. It was amazing to see that because it showed me where I got my sense of humor. Me, my stepdad, and mom were always busting on each other. Mom would always say, "the day I quit pickin' on ya is the day you know I don't love you anymore." I think this is how I got to be the way I am now. I love bustin' on my friends. It's my way of showing someone that I care about them. I don't know how mom put up with my dad for as long as she did. That man wouldn't understand good-natured joking if it busted through the door right now and used his face as a punching bag. Not just joking around either. I can say something to him that I know other people would find hilarious, but I won't get even a chuckle. Then he'll be watching Two and a Half men, and sure enough the 587th joke about how Charlie can't keep it in his pants will be muttered, and dad will laugh like he's watching Eddie Murphy's Raw. Annoys the hell out of me. I miss mom's sense of humor. I also miss her saying to be careful not to fall in the shower because she doesn't feel like calling a crane company today. haha. I miss her.
Mom also was a big help when it came to girls (despite none of them EVER being good enough for me. Ugh.) I remember all the times telling her I couldn't get a girl to ever like me. How so many of them wanted to be my friend, but nothing more. She'd always say, "Jason, they think they know what they want now, but they don't. Some day there's going to be a girl who sees you for who you are." Of course I thought it was just her saying that, but she was right. I've been lucky to have a few girls in my life who really cared for me, and loved me for who I am. I'd be shopping with mom, and she would say, "Jason, I think she would really like this. You should get it for her." She taught me that they like the occasional gift for no reason at all, and a card out of the blue. "Remembering the small details," mom always said, "are really important to make a girl happy. She would say, "I hate that tough guy shit. don't be afraid to be yourself, or to show your emotions. A real man is one who is always able to express himself no matter how good or bad." I took all this advice kinda loosely at that age, but the older I get, the more I realize how right she was. But one thing she didn't prepare me for was how some girls find guys that are sweet and nice to be absolutely boring. I'm still in the process of learning when to turn the sweet guy stuff off from time to time. I guess some things even your mother can't teach you.
So those are a couple of my favorite things about mom. She was a damn good woman. She would give you anything if you needed it. She loved me more than anyone else in this world ever will. She also had a rough life, and deep seeded anger that she needed help with. She took a lot of this out on me. I am finally learning to forgive her for some of those things. But she also helped make me the man I am today. For that, I'll never be able to fully express in words how much it means to me. Mom, I love you and I really miss you right now. May you finally have the peace you so greatly deserve.
For the past three days, I've been working on something to write for Mother's Day. It wasn't really that creative of an idea. A letter to my mother that I intended to be both loving and sort of a way to say that I have finally gotten over my anger issues with her. It turned out to be much more deep and personal than I was looking for on this blog. The relationship with my mother is something I still need to work on dealing with. It's a story that I definitely want to tell one day. In a nutshell, mom was a watered-down version of Danny Devito's mother in Throw Mama From the Train. That may sound like a stretch, but my family and closest friends can tell you there's some truth to that statement. But like everything else on Earth, there is both good and bad. I want to share with you some of the things about the woman that made her a fantastic mother.
"Jason. Some kids are gonna say awful things to you. You need to learn to ignore what they say and laugh with them. Let them know it doesn't bother you. Then it won't be fun for them to pick on you anymore. They'll all eventually see what a great kid you are, and wind up being your friend. And if not, then fuck 'em. They aren't worth your time." I remember getting this little pep talk twice. Once before 7th grade at Roosevelt Junior High in the Altoona Area School District. The other time was in 8th grade when we moved to Duncansville. I was scared to death about being thrown into a whole new group of kids in back to back years. Mom was right though. Kids said some awful shit. I took it all in stride. Before you know it, I was making myself the center of attention by doing the truffle shuffle or imitating Weird Al from the Fat video by doing the hilarious crotch grab. I learned something early in my life. People like you when you have the balls to be the first one to crack awful jokes about yourself before the other assholes get a chance. I'm 34, and that still applies to me today. If I'm in a situation where I'm around new people, I can always tell that my size is almost always the "elephant in the room." (literally!! hahaha. booo.) Once I crack a couple self-depricating jokes to break the ice, people realize that hey, this guy isn't so bad. Then people eventually get to know me, and I walk away with a new friend or two by the end of the night. But if they still don't like me, well, just like mom says, fuck 'em. They aren't worth my time.
Mom had an awesome sense of humor. I never really took notice until one night she dragged me to some kind of party with her work friends. Dude, she had people laughing so hard that they were crying! Of course they were all work related things, and I had no clue why any of it was funny. It was amazing to see that because it showed me where I got my sense of humor. Me, my stepdad, and mom were always busting on each other. Mom would always say, "the day I quit pickin' on ya is the day you know I don't love you anymore." I think this is how I got to be the way I am now. I love bustin' on my friends. It's my way of showing someone that I care about them. I don't know how mom put up with my dad for as long as she did. That man wouldn't understand good-natured joking if it busted through the door right now and used his face as a punching bag. Not just joking around either. I can say something to him that I know other people would find hilarious, but I won't get even a chuckle. Then he'll be watching Two and a Half men, and sure enough the 587th joke about how Charlie can't keep it in his pants will be muttered, and dad will laugh like he's watching Eddie Murphy's Raw. Annoys the hell out of me. I miss mom's sense of humor. I also miss her saying to be careful not to fall in the shower because she doesn't feel like calling a crane company today. haha. I miss her.
Mom also was a big help when it came to girls (despite none of them EVER being good enough for me. Ugh.) I remember all the times telling her I couldn't get a girl to ever like me. How so many of them wanted to be my friend, but nothing more. She'd always say, "Jason, they think they know what they want now, but they don't. Some day there's going to be a girl who sees you for who you are." Of course I thought it was just her saying that, but she was right. I've been lucky to have a few girls in my life who really cared for me, and loved me for who I am. I'd be shopping with mom, and she would say, "Jason, I think she would really like this. You should get it for her." She taught me that they like the occasional gift for no reason at all, and a card out of the blue. "Remembering the small details," mom always said, "are really important to make a girl happy. She would say, "I hate that tough guy shit. don't be afraid to be yourself, or to show your emotions. A real man is one who is always able to express himself no matter how good or bad." I took all this advice kinda loosely at that age, but the older I get, the more I realize how right she was. But one thing she didn't prepare me for was how some girls find guys that are sweet and nice to be absolutely boring. I'm still in the process of learning when to turn the sweet guy stuff off from time to time. I guess some things even your mother can't teach you.
So those are a couple of my favorite things about mom. She was a damn good woman. She would give you anything if you needed it. She loved me more than anyone else in this world ever will. She also had a rough life, and deep seeded anger that she needed help with. She took a lot of this out on me. I am finally learning to forgive her for some of those things. But she also helped make me the man I am today. For that, I'll never be able to fully express in words how much it means to me. Mom, I love you and I really miss you right now. May you finally have the peace you so greatly deserve.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Quick Update
Hi there. I want to post a quick update. It appears that the times I've seen my family doctor in March and April are not going to count towards the six months of documentation for attempted weight loss the insurance company requires before surgery is approved. Shit. But yesterday was my first "official" visit for that purpose in mind. I was weighed for the first time since 2009. Gained 13 pounds since. I know I've lost weight recently because of how my clothes fit. I also seem to be getting around much better. That's all well and good, but it's like a punch in the face when you see that number. Friends, I know that one of the main goals of this blog is brutal honesty. I feel that honesty is required for anyone to overcome major issues in life. Lying to yourself can't fix anything. With that being said, I do not feel comfortable posting my weight right now. I feel bad because I am comfortable telling people every other aspect of what I deal with. I'm too embarrassed of the number to be blunt. I hope you understand.
Also, I wanted to ask for some input if you would be so kind. When I had the idea to write about my story, I thought it would be good to not only post about what's happening now, but to also write about past experiences that relate to being big. Things where I noticed being big effected something fun, huge binges, life changing moments......that sort of thing. It would be a nice look into how life is for someone who has a food addiction, and how things have progressed throughout the years. I also think it would benefit myself to look back and dig around my noggin a bit. Enough people are reading this to justify asking your opinion. I can make this strictly a blog about 2011 and the gastric bypass process, or I can also sprinkle in reflections of my past, and give you a deep look inside my silly head. I'm going to assume that you don't really give a crap either way :)
If you wish, let me know how you feel. Either way, I'm working on something for mother's day. Also, I'm currently reading a couple things to work on making my writing better. It's been a dream of mine that I'm finally making happen. I thank you all for the kind words so far. It means the world to me.
Also, I wanted to ask for some input if you would be so kind. When I had the idea to write about my story, I thought it would be good to not only post about what's happening now, but to also write about past experiences that relate to being big. Things where I noticed being big effected something fun, huge binges, life changing moments......that sort of thing. It would be a nice look into how life is for someone who has a food addiction, and how things have progressed throughout the years. I also think it would benefit myself to look back and dig around my noggin a bit. Enough people are reading this to justify asking your opinion. I can make this strictly a blog about 2011 and the gastric bypass process, or I can also sprinkle in reflections of my past, and give you a deep look inside my silly head. I'm going to assume that you don't really give a crap either way :)
If you wish, let me know how you feel. Either way, I'm working on something for mother's day. Also, I'm currently reading a couple things to work on making my writing better. It's been a dream of mine that I'm finally making happen. I thank you all for the kind words so far. It means the world to me.
Monday, May 2, 2011
A Painful Divorce
One of the most difficult things I have to deal with during this process is saying good-bye to fast food. My love for her has been going strong since childhood. She's like a beautiful, co-dependent lover always there for me in my times of need. "Come to me Jason," she whispers seductively, "lay back and I'll help you forget about all your worries." Oh friends, she is such a dirty girl! How can I possibly live without her?
When I look back at life, I regret not learning to control the constant craving to eat at McDonald's. I had the strangest daydream when I was in junior high. Of course I always thought about girls, sports, and friends like any typical teenage boy, but my biggest fantasy was wishing I had three huge silos in my back yard. And I would think about how awesome it would be that at any time I could go out back and grab double hamburgers with only ketchup, biscuits with butter, and fries. I remember thinking how great it will be when I can drive so I can go to McDonald's in the morning to buy a bag full of their biscuits. I hated how mom and dad only let me have two. How inconsiderate!
The evil gang of supervillians fighting against your
your health and well-being.
(Wendy looks frickin' HOT though!)
When that freedom of choice came, I took full advantage. There was a time when I ate fast food every day of my life. Most of the time, I did this in secret. It became my guilty pleasure. At my worst, I would even go as far to say that I didn't feel content for the day until I made beautiful greasy love. Here's an example of how I typically ate for a day. This was roughly 2003-2007:
I still eat McDonald's once a week. A few double hamburgers and a fry is what I like to order now. My dietitian told me that I don't have to give it up right now, but I should make better choices when I eat there. She understands how difficult it can be to lose your first love.
Edited by Dave Warren
When I look back at life, I regret not learning to control the constant craving to eat at McDonald's. I had the strangest daydream when I was in junior high. Of course I always thought about girls, sports, and friends like any typical teenage boy, but my biggest fantasy was wishing I had three huge silos in my back yard. And I would think about how awesome it would be that at any time I could go out back and grab double hamburgers with only ketchup, biscuits with butter, and fries. I remember thinking how great it will be when I can drive so I can go to McDonald's in the morning to buy a bag full of their biscuits. I hated how mom and dad only let me have two. How inconsiderate!
your health and well-being.
(Wendy looks frickin' HOT though!)
When that freedom of choice came, I took full advantage. There was a time when I ate fast food every day of my life. Most of the time, I did this in secret. It became my guilty pleasure. At my worst, I would even go as far to say that I didn't feel content for the day until I made beautiful greasy love. Here's an example of how I typically ate for a day. This was roughly 2003-2007:
- Breakfast - two eggs scrambled, toast, double home fries, and a stack of pancakes.
- Supper - somewhere out to eat with mom usually, very poor choices with huge portions.
- Two hours later in the car by myself - McDonald's - double quarter pounder meal super sized, extra order of super size fries, two apple pies.
- Night - I always snacked on junk food before bed. My favorite was candy bars, lots of them.
I still eat McDonald's once a week. A few double hamburgers and a fry is what I like to order now. My dietitian told me that I don't have to give it up right now, but I should make better choices when I eat there. She understands how difficult it can be to lose your first love.
Edited by Dave Warren
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