So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye

I can hardly believe it's been three weeks since my last post.  There really hasn't been much going on when it comes to progress for the surgery.  For the next few months, I have to go through the motions to please the insurance company.  Not so exciting.  Now, when it comes to my warped brain chemistry, May felt like a month of transition for me.  I needed these past few weeks to kind of stop, take a step back, and analyze what exactly I want out of myself creatively.  I believe that I have myself on the right track again.  I remain hopeful that I will stick to my decision and not become bored and change my mind yet again.  Have I mentioned insane brain chemistry?

Writing is something I dreamed of for years.  The problem is I always hold myself back.  I don't have a real high self-image, and that translates into thinking everything I create is garbage.  Last month I held these thoughts back just enough to start writing this blog.  The feedback blew me away. Now, I had high hopes and visions of this blog being filled with witty stories about the daily struggles of being so big. I was confident that I had many months worth of content to keep me busy.  I was wrong.  Here's what really happened:  In just eight posts, I feel like I expressed everything I wanted to get off my chest.  I've been tired of not publicly admitting my virginity.  I'm sure more people already kind of knew.  Either way, it was time to finally get it out there.  I wanted to express the typical public outing.  I feel I did a decent job nailing it with the Wal-Mart story.  I also had the idea of writing stories about various events in my past that I would have enjoyed if it weren't for being big.  But the more I brainstorm, the more I realize the exact same factors are the culprit of my ruined fun.  It always comes back to not being able to walk far and losing my breath.  How incredibly boring for people to read different scenarios that all end fairly the same way.  After all, I'm not a television sitcom writer.  I expect more from myself.

I want to write short stories. It's my dream.  I feel that it's time to actually put forth the effort into making this dream a reality.  I wiped the slate clean and started with two basic fundamentals to writing well.  I've been reading and writing much more.  I also took a break from my favorite radio shows and Twitter.  Those two things have the power to suck me in with nothing ever being done.  So far, I haven't even worked on anything solid.  I'm journaling with the goal of writing comfortably to the point my subconscious takes over.  This is where all good stories come from.  Writing is still something I'm a bit awkward at doing.  I stop too often to think if this sentence is working with the last, or which word would best fit here, etc.  Hopefully I can get to the point where I can let loose and worry about revision afterwords.  I had that luxury many years ago when I used to write in my notebook.  I haven't quite mastered writing with the laptop.

So, to the few people in my life that kept up with this blog, I thank you.  All of your feedback convinced me that this is a hobby worth putting in serious time and effort.  I'm not quite sure I'm going to continue with the chronicles.  Exactly 100% of my readers come from Facebook.  I believe I can use that medium to keep people up to date on my transition from Jabba the Hut to Johnny Depp.  Once I get a couple short stories hammered out, maybe I'll start a new blog for them.  The first one will be dedicated to Ms. Galloway.  She gave me my first new idea in years.  And no Melanie, it's NOT dirty-minded for once!